Canning jokes

Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?

They can go through 100 floors in 7 seconds.

OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.

Only Cans.

After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"

I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!

I'm bored so can y'all ask me some questions and I have to answer them?

Why do cannibals love sex? They can make their own food.

People go to places to see Harry Potter live, but you can just go to the abortion place and see something disappear.

"Brian, can I see that paper for a sec?"

Your mom is so fat nobody can compare her to anything.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

They can't see their parents.

Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.

What’s one food orphans can eat?

Homemade.

What do you call a disabled person that can walk?

Enabled.

Why do orphans never use other people's Wi-Fi?

So they can be connected.

Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.

You can pick your friends and you can pick your 🤥 nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃.

Does it 🚲 🚲 🚲 cycle now?

Period: Guess who’s back... back again...

Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?

Period: I can come back in 9 months?

Me: Keep fucking singing.

Why did the orphan finally go to church? So they could call someone "father."

Can anyone play me in a no limits femdom RP on Kik?

"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."