Canning jokes

Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?

Little Johnny: "Your wife."

One thing you can ask Mario:

"Can you jump up and down for me?"

Just a pickup line.

"Ayo, bbg, are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in."

What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?

They can both squirt out their cum.

Hi, welcome to Mario's pizzeria/abortion clinic.

Where no fetus can beat us, and your loss is our sauce.

Q: Why can orphans never be criminals?

A: Because they're never wanted.

I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”

He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”

I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.

Did you know that an orphan can take a selfie and a family photo at the same time?

Helen Keller can use Hodled's words because they are so bad.

How do you put a baby in a blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?

How do you get the baby out? With a tortilla chip!

How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.

Dear Kenya, love of life,

Thanks for commenting on my jokes, and thanks for being a nice person to me! Love, Jaden. You can tell by the emojis 🥰😍❤️💞!

Love you a million times more!

What can hold anything on the moon? A crater.

When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?

SHUT UP!!!

What's an orphan's favorite sport?

Baseball, because that's the only time they can run home.

I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because he can't find his parents.

What always roars, but cannot talk? What always moves, but cannot walk?

A waterfall.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Cause they have to hit a home run.