Canning jokes
"5 dollars if a fat guy can find his penis."
Why can orphans never go on field trips?
Because they can’t get a parent signature.
The potholes so big in Oklahoma Can make a whole garden.
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
Memes
I wish the grass in my backyard was emo.
So it can cut itself.
Why do orphans love playing baseball?
They can always run home.
I can't walk, I can't talk, but I can drive a wheelchair.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?
At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.
Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?
Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.
What does a pizza and a Mexican have in common?
One can feed a family.
You can slap, punch, knock out an orphan, what will they do? They don't have parents!
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"
And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
The name is Doe, Dilbert Doe. You can call me Dil.
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.