Canning jokes

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

Why do orphans like boomerangs?

Because then they can play catch.

Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?

Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

Kalyn: Mrs. Frizzle,

Mrs. Frizzle: Sure.

Kalyn: Can you spell I-C-U-P for me?

Mrs. Frizzle: Shut up, you little fucktard!

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener!

Why does a cow love music?

Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.

What time is it when you get home, can walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home?

🏡 night time and I can drive to the car tomorrow night.

Where do you think all the orphans went?

In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

Why can orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

Which restaurants can an orphan not go to?

A family restaurant.

What animal can not be trusted?

A lion 🦁.

You can get into a fight with an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?

Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you can’t unscrew a lady.

What’s the difference a hooker an a drug dealer...?? A hooker can wash her crack an resell it.

When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.

What time is it when you get home and you can walk walk?

What is so good about a dog that cannot see? Nothing is good.

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."