Canning jokes

What can a gay man with a physical disability do better than a heterosexual woman that doesn't have a physical disability?

Suck a big cock.

I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.

Yo mama so dumb, she thought "The Squid Game" was an all-you-can-eat buffet.

What did the calculator say to the student?

You can always count on me.

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.

A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."

The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"

What two things can you never have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner!

I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"

1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.

2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!

3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.

4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.

5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.

Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?

Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.

Son: I hate you!

Why can orphans only use Samsung?

Because they don't have a home button.

My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.

So I threw an orange at her.

Why can orphans type? Because they can’t find the home row.

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.

What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...

What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

I guess you can say he xxxpired.

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?