Canning jokes

What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?

Neither of them can see or hear their parents.

What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?

Miracle Whip.

What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?

"Does this come with anything?"

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

What's something you can say in church and while having sex?

I come in the name of the Lord.

Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.

What's the difference between Palestine and yo mama?

Yo mama can be found on Google maps.

I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can FEEL it!

The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.

What’s something you can say at a Christian summer camp and during a blind date?

"Good Lord, this is fun!"

White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

Natives: Can y-

White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.

My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?

Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!

That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?

He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”

The gayest person in the world is Pacman, because I can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.

What did the plane say to the tower? "Yo, can I crash at your place for a bit, and can my boy crash at your boy's place?"

"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

Why can orphans just be gay?

Cause they want to call somebody "daddy."