Canning jokes

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

Natives: Can y-

White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.

My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?

Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!

That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.

What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!

I guess you can say he xxxpired.

Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?

Because there is no one to teach them.

"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."

What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench?

The bench can support its family.

"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""

A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."

The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"

I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.

1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.

2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!

3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.

4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.

5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.

What did the plane say to the tower? "Yo, can I crash at your place for a bit, and can my boy crash at your boy's place?"

The gayest person in the world is Pacman, because I can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

What did the calculator say to the student?

You can always count on me.

What can a gay man with a physical disability do better than a heterosexual woman that doesn't have a physical disability?

Suck a big cock.