Canning jokes

"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""

A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."

The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"

What two things can you never have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner!

I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.

Why can orphans only use Samsung?

Because they don't have a home button.

Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?

Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.

Son: I hate you!

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?

My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.

So I threw an orange at her.

What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?

He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”

"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."

Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?

Because there is no one to teach them.

Why can't a citizen in communist China, especially a Chinese male who is between 18-29 years old, buy a box of condoms in a drug store in communist China?

Because the condom would be too big for the penis of Chinese men in communist China.

I guess you can say he xxxpired.

I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.

What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!

Why can orphans type? Because they can’t find the home row.

What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...