Canning jokes
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...
Me: I hit an orphan!
Mom: OMG WHY?
Me: Not like they can tell their parents-
Orphans can't call their parents if they get hurt! Sorry.🩹
A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.
The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."
Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."
Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."
Yo mom is so fat even Dora can explore you!
100% of blind people in Africa can't see. Together, we can stop this.
What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."
Why can orphans not play baseball? They can't hit a home run.
Why do orphans love role-plays?
Because they can call someone "daddy."
Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.
Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.
What do a deaf person and an orphan have in common? Neither of them can hear their parents.
You are so blind, even a spider can see better than you.
Your face is so big that not even you can see it.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan?
It's not like they can tell their parents.
There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.
Now that's a hell of a ghost story!
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
A: Do you eat food?
B: Yes...
A: You can sit on deez nuts then!
B: Omg I have depression now.