Canning jokes
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
If you're bored, just punch an orphan. It's not like they can tell their parents.
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
Why is it okay to hit an orphan?
Not like they can tell their parents.
All I can see when I pass Saturn is Uranus because it's so big.
Why can't toilet paper cross the road? Because the toilet paper got stuck in a crack. 🤣🤣🤣
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash its crack and sell it again.
Why can the orphan only go to restaurants?
Because they can't have homemade meals.
Terrorist: We can go over it, we can’t go under it, let’s go through it.
Why do orphans play GTA so much?
Because they can be wanted for once.
What's the difference between a bird and a kid on the roof?
The bird can fly off the roof.
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?
Boston cream pie.
What college can Stephen Hawking not go to? Spelman University.
B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.
Why have sex when you can perv on your neighbor's grandma!
I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
Jane ate her friend’s sandwich.
Jane ate her friend’s colon.
Why can orphans only have iPhone 13s?
Because there is no home button.