A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
"You can drink drinks, but you can't food foods."
-Sun Tzu, The Art Of Food
Why do Mexicans wear pointed boots?
So they can climb a fence easier.
9 year olds can consent. That’s like 18 divided by 2.
How do you make a trash can leak?
Hit it with an axe until it becomes part of the cosmos!
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
Kid 1: Words can't describe how ugly you are.
Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are.
Kid 1: Aw, thanks!
Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10
What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex. The poor guy asks the rich guy "what'd you get for your wife today?" The rich guy replies " I got her a diamond ring and a mercedes" The poor guy asks "Why did you get two gifts for her?" Rich guy says "If she doesn't like the diamond ring then she can return it in her mercedes" Rich guy asks the poor guy " what'd you get for your wife" Poor guy says " I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo" Rich guy asks "why did you get two gifts for her?" The poor guy says " If she doesnt like the slippers then she can go fuck herself. "
What is a redneck virgin?
Answer: A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers!
How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.
Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.
