New Canning Jokes - Page 20 - Worst Jokes Ever

Knock Knock. Who's there? It's the police... who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date? She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

YDou're mama so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep

Me: can I have your chair 💺 You: Why Me : for charity

Opposite day be like in doors

Figure : finally I can see

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo I'm blind. Figure I'm sorry i made fun if u all those other times pls don't make fu. Of me

Figure: ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish

Question; What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"? Answer; After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!

What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?

Say you've parked your car in a bad spot, and are just going move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address

there are perks to bringing a emo to the grocery store you can get coupons by scanning their wrist

If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.

i have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once

why can orphans only watch G rated movies?

because they had no parental guidance.

What can miles morales do that Spiderman can't hug his parents

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

Guy: "can I tell you a joke?" Spiderman: "yes" Guy: "you only have 11 months on your calendar" Spiderman: "why" Guy: holds up knife* "because I murdered May"

I like Christmas. It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys. :) yaaaaay 😁

What's the difference between a Russian potato and an U.S. potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics

What can an Olympic runner do that hitler cant. Finish a race

Shit if somebody invades America the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go. We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets have become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out? Hell the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have comedy central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the united states. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.