Cancer

Cancer jokes

Sister

What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

Name

What’s the most common name for cancer patients?

Luke (leukemia)

Memes

Tumor

Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?

A: Tumor.

Alley

What's green and has a thousand nipples?

A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.

Orphan

You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!

Cell

What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?

A Royale with cancer.

Doctor

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

Child

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

September

It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!

Story

Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?

Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.

A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”

He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.

EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.

WebMD: Cancer.

Woman

A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.