New Can Jokes - Page 88 - Worst Jokes Ever

So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.

The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

This Fairy Tail shirt is only $9.99! Guess you can say that's a fair retail.

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

My friend had a house FULL of okra, but it blew up and okra was everywhere.

I guess you can call that place Okra-homa!

Four cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the "4 Cs Quartet" since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine.

They discovered how they could win. After a discussion, they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.

I need to call candy. What's candy? Candy can "bofe" if these balls fit in your mouth.

I have to call Bovfa. What's Bovfa? Bovfa deez nuts fit in your mouth.

Where do you think all the orphans went?

In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.

I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.

Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.

If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.

Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?

Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?

One day there was a boy who needed the toilet, so he goes to his teacher and asks if he can go to the toilet. The teacher says "yes, but before you go, what are the first 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy replies, "I don't know, miss..." The teacher says that he will have to wait.

Later, the boy goes home to his mom who is on the phone. He asks, "What is the first letter in the alphabet?" His mom says, "Oh, shut up!" So the boy goes to his dad who is playing darts and says, "What is the second letter in the alphabet?" His dad says "180!" So the boy goes to his sister who is playing with her Barbies. The boy asks, "What is the 3rd letter in the alphabet?" The sister says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"

The next day, the boy goes to school and needs the toilet again, so he goes to ask if he can go, and the teacher says, "Yes, but before you go, what are the 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy says, "Oh, shut up!" The teacher is angry about that, so she says, "What is the second one?" "180!" says the boy, and the teacher asks him where he is from, and the boy says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"

The end.

Q: Why do men say "ladies first?"

A: So they can look at their a**.

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.

Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.

So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."