Caesar's jokes
Julius Caesar (salad) made easy.
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
What are the kids addicted to these days? Juulius Caesar (Juuls).
Julius Caesar is Roman? More like romaine (salad), and to make the best salad, you stab it 23 times until the Caesar salad, romaine salad, is fresh.
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?
If only Caesar hadn’t left home that day...
When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”
Julius's wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).
What did Caesar’s cat say to him?
Nothing. Cats don’t talk.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Where does Caesar keep his armies?
Up his sleavies.
What is Julius Caesar’s favorite food?
Roman noodles.
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.