A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive." But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happenedd to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"
Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was ‘sleeping with the fishes’. At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
[being buried alive]
murderer: *out of breath* how are you eating the dirt so quickly
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
RIP Stephan Hawking who was buried today.......he did always love black holes.
You're so ugly that when you were born your mother asked "how does my little treasure look", and the doctor replied, I think we should bury it immediately.
How do you bury a prostitute? In a Y shape coffin.
the earth used to be flat
till they buried yo mama
You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass produced coffin in a pre buried grave dug by machinery, that is then filled by mourners.
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed "I want to see your face again mommy...". A miracle happened, his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said "I want to see you too dad". He looked at his father's grave but nothing happened
Suddenly a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked "were you looking for me?"
It’s me back at it again
The earth was flat till they buried yo mama!!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!!1!1,
the earth was flat until they buried you
My best friend was Was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one
Q where do you bury the people killed in 9/11
A its already done for you
