Bump jokes
Don’t you hate it when you are driving in a school zone and the speed bump starts screaming?
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said... “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
What happens if a boy bumps into a dog?
It’s a bumper team.
What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!!
Man: We have the power of the sun itself!
President: Drop it on them!
Man: You push the button.
President: *sigh* Fine give it to me.
Man: Hands over button
President: Pushes it
Both: YAAA!
President: Bumps into the button pressing it again
Both: Oh, sh*t!
Meanwhile in Japan after the first bomb went off
Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...
What happens when an asian with an erection bumps into a wall? he breaks his nose
What did the Indian say when he bumped into someone else?
"Sari."
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repeatedly told him to look where he was going.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"
What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?
Monkeypox.