Boyfriend jokes
I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
"Gwen, I want my boyfriend back!"
What do you do when you get a boy named Jackson? You dump him.
Ya nan does gymnastics with her boyfriends.
What did the female rapper say when her boyfriend pulled his pants down and exposed his huge balls?
“I like big nuts and I cannot lie!”
One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?
What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?
They both break your heart.
What is the difference between a human and a magic house!?
A magic house 🏡 can fly, and a human can walk.
Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"
I have a girlfriend.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."
The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/
Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.
The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old’s shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old’s belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.
So the father waited until he’d talked to his son and daughters, and asked if he could talk to his wife alone.
“Look, I know you and the girls are all pregnant. I’m not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don’t have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?”
She started crying. "No, Tommy's the father! I'm so sorry, I never meant for it to happen, but it's been so lonely here without you....I walked in on him jerking off and just couldn't help myself! And Annie's been missing her boyfriend at college, and it....it just sort of got out of hand."
"It's okay sweetheart, I forgive you. You've been isolated for months, up there."
She wiped her tears away. "I can't believe how understanding you're being about this. When we get home I'm making you the best steak and lobster you ever had! I know you aren't eating well, I was looking at the bills on Amazon Prime and saw you ordered a 45-pound pail of peanut butter!"
He looked down under the camera line, under his desk. He wasn't wearing pants, and the family dog was still licking his dick. "These things happen."
My sister's boyfriend is mad because I fucked his girl.
So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"
She said, "*sniff* yes."
Ex-girlfriend: "I can smell fish."
Ex-boyfriend: "I can smell shit."
Ex-boyfriend: "Well, how many boys swam down there?"
Ex-girlfriend: "20!"
Fish: "It wasn't me. I don't swim around mistakes."
When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣
So 666-3629, so get it?