New Bottle Jokes - Page 4 - Worst Jokes Ever

some guy was mad at his ex wife! so he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk. And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."

GBM when he sees Soph (gets a boner) and has sex with soph but realizes he forgot to put on a condom.. soph: this is why arsenal fans are so deluded and retarded Normal Fans after they lose the game: Good game, you guys played really well. GBM: BRO REF WHAT THE BLOODY HELL YOU DELUDED ASS RETARD, OMFG WE LOST BECAUSE OF THIS REF

Adapt: Hey Adapt, Did you know your smart? Smart for being retarded Yo adapt!! You're so stupid that you gave me your roblox account info and you said thanks about it!!

Barca fans after the LFC vs Barca game: We bottled it, damn it, we'll win the Copa Del Rey tho. Commie after the LFC vs Barca game: YOU NEVER WALK ALONEEEEEEEEEE Normal People: I support only 1 team Commie: I support Barca, LFC, and AEK!! And i'm the biggest plastic in the server!!

Take a water bottle shake it you got piss

Yo look they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine yay yay don't drink too much of it you might turn into a wine rabbit.

How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.

*A priest walks into a wine store*

"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender “give me 2 beers”. The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guys beers bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender “hey what are u doing I didn’t order for bud lights I want corona beer”. The bartender replies “ sir I gave you a mix of bud light and corona and it’s on the house everyone is drinking corona tonight”.

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) 1. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They're painful to look at.

5. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

6. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

7. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

8. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

joe: are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: well they were until i murdered them over a bottle of pringles

joe: oh so you are an orphan, and a murderer

An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. "I don't understand it, Doc", she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas". "Thankfully", she added, "they are at least silent when I fart". Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled. The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".

Chuck Norris once did a roundhouse kick...and successfully completed the bottle cap challenge

What the difference between a water bottle and Africa? One has water the other one doesn’t

How to get a 1000 followers on instagram?

Run through africa with a bottle of water.

I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it. I took some of the boo boo out licked it and and rubbed it on a wall making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and i saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

The twin towers are like water bottles

it's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess

I was going to an expensive dinner with my friends girlfriend because she really wanted to go but he just got out of surgery and he said take care of her so I said will do bro I’ll bring her back fuller that a topped up water bottle