Blood Jokes

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

*World war 2 going on and then stops* Me: I guess you vould say it was a gory-ious battle.

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son. We both drank them at the same time, and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

The Britain’s walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad they ask Mary the mum why she had blood all over her and she said someone dropped the butter they walked into the living room and Thomas was dead on the floor

Roses are red So is My gun Why do you ask? Because it's full of blood

when your mom says it will all be ok if you just .........(bang) *their is blood on the floor*

I watched a movie with a lot of ketchup on the ground. I don't know why my friends look disgusted.

Once there was a woman who had a husband and a dog, the husband dies. The dog would always sleep under the bed and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down and the dog would like it to say she/he was alright. One night it was thunder storming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does he/she likes her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap. But the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can like too", in the dogs blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

I'm so emo my blood is black.

Roses are red... blood is too... I wonder how... blood would look on you.

I told my cousin since we're not blood related our parents would let us date.

Her pants were on fire.

roses are red my blood is too i see a lot when i lost u

A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system. He agrees and the doctors turn to dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.

So little Johnny was waking to the bath room and he said grandma said why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help

Why do vampires drink blood? because they can't drink bloodly Marys because they are vampires