A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender can squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time Weight Lifters, Lumberjacks, men in the Army, and Etc. But still, nobody could do it. One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet". After the laughter had died down the bartender said "okay" and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to Total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack a weight lifter or what?". The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS".
What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute? You can get on with a prostitute!
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions ..you must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate and you must never hold on to any beef . " The Angel then disappeared. The man did as was told and became generous and kind ..as he emerged from the betting office with all his money... he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person..each and everytime. He ,however couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what . When he died the Angel came back for him .. "But I'm undeserving I can't come with you" he said .. "Yes you can" replied the Angel , "you gave all your stake ( steak) away"
this joke is so funny I'll bet you greened (grined)
will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today! beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that! will: Yey! beverly: What should we bring him? will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* come in the bucket!
I bet ur hairline gose inside ur private part and ur girlfriend can’t even touch it
Jake: can I go outside Mom: did you clean your room Jake: No Mom: Then f*ck no Jake: alright bet (Brother named no)
how much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)
What is it called when young sheep bet?
LAMbling.
(havent uploaded yesterday cuz couldnt think of a joke)
what did the egg say to the other egg?
you crack me up 😂
i bet when ya take a bath they give you the whole pool, no, better yet, the ocean
Why don't rappers ever gamble?
Because they're always dropping BEATS, not BETS
i bet when your mom first saw you she said oh my god this aint my child my child would look amazing
