Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Women are like blackjack. Iβm trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is!
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why did the tiger loose at poker? Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Why is there no gambling in Africa?
Too many Cheetahs.
Why donβt they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
Whatβs Michael Jacksonβs favorite poker hand? Jacks and 5.
why did the cheetah get kicked out of poker
cause he was a cheetah
Gambler
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am." "Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet." The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man." "I am. But the steaks are too high."
what did the adopted poker player say ? will you raise me
True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe. (Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers each person spins it and try not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not you point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger)
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline. The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me." a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that." Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
Girls are like black jack
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14
My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.
And they're off.
What do me and a casino machine have in common. It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
