Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why did the tiger loose at poker? Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Why is there no gambling in Africa?
Too many Cheetahs.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand? Jacks and 5.
Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
why did the cheetah get kicked out of poker
cause he was a cheetah
Gambler
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am." "Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet." The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man." "I am. But the steaks are too high."
what did the adopted poker player say ? will you raise me
True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe. (Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers each person spins it and try not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not you point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger)
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Girls are like black jack
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14
My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.
And they're off.
What do me and a casino machine have in common. It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
I got kicked outta the poker game They said i was a little*cheet-ah*
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably. Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly"
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
