Gambling jokes
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
A friend of mine loves to play Roulette, so I decided to introduce him to Russian Roulette. It blew his mind.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is!
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why can't orphans play poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Why is there no gambling in Africa?
Too many Cheetahs.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
Why did the cheetah get kicked out of poker?
'Cause he was a cheetah.
Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
What did the adopted poker player say?
"Will you raise me?"
True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.
(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)