Best jokes
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
I had the best butterfingers yesterday.
I dropped it.
My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by hilarious comedian Isaac Butterfield.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The silence.
My best opinion: when life goes to hell, you just go down with it.
The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.
Best pick up line EVER.
There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?
Both: FUCK YEAH!
Why do Americans always win at the shooting Olympics?
Because they train at the best school.
For people who love Gwen and think she is the best person on this website, comment if so.
What’s the best Marvel villain song EVER?
It Was Agatha All Along!!! *gasp* And I killed Sparky, too. *laughs manically*
What's the difference between 20 and 14?
9 to 10 years.
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.
What did Stephen Hawking say—I mean, type—when he saw a beautiful woman?
"That's the best shag I never had."