Whoever invented religions, they fucked up.
We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
Why do Indian people have bad tempers? Because when they were growing up, their parents told them they couldn't have a cow, so they threw a tantrum instead.
Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?
'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.
My son got in trouble for writing the following underneath the question “Do aliens exist?”
“Of course they do! They live in Mexico!”
Why did the orphan go to church?
So they had someone to call Father.
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
God is good. God is great.
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
I have a confession. I used to be a Christian don’t bother me none babe Awesome! I much prefer being a Christine! “hol up”
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
Why did a woman believe she was a target? She had a price tag without any value to it.
You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
I once put the Bible in the fiction section.
A Christian, a Jew, and a Catholic walk into a bar. The Christian says, “Where’s Mohammed?”
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.
