Being jokes

What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?

My dick.

If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?

The Homo Sexual was a direct descendant of the Homo Genital Erectus, which went extinct in 2037 for being easily offended and its unwillingness to breed.

Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.

As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.

As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.

Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"

I lost my virginity once and found it in a store being sold off.

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?

Anonymouse.

Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?

They are always swinging a stick.

For Stephen Hawking, why is being drunk and having his power shut out the same?

He blacks out.

How is being gay like a geology class?

You get to lick all the rocks you want.

How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.

A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

A bully chokes me. I simply say, "Joke's on you, I like being choked!"

I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.

I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.

Turns out it was a Fanta sea.

Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!

What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.

What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.

What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?

Trying to fit in.