Bedroom jokes

One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"

How does a blonde turn the light off after sex?

She closes the car door.

Why does Adam sleep early so his mum and stepdad can fuck on his bed?

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."

At night I became a mattress murderer.

Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

"Son, I found a condom in your room."

"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"

"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"

"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I'm home!