Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."
At night I became a mattress murderer.
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
