Beat jokes
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀
"Pootin is a pussy won't even fight in the war that he started!"
"Pootin is a pussy and Ukraine is beating Russia's ass!"
Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?
Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
If you are a bully at a school, when you get home, find an orphan and beat them up!
What are they going to do? Tell the orphan lady to tell you to stop? 😆😝
What's a child abuser's favorite song?
"Just Beat It!"
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.
What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?
“Just beat it! Just beat it!”
What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?
I beat both of them.
I beat up my twin friends with a plane.
Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?
Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.
I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!
Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.
Do you know what it takes to beat cancer?
Heartbeat.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
What do you do when you're bored?
Beat up an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
What does a bear beat off with?
His bear hands.
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.