Beat jokes
What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?
I beat both of them.
I beat up my twin friends with a plane.
Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?
Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.
I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!
Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.
Do you know what it takes to beat cancer?
Heartbeat.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
What do you do when you're bored?
Beat up an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
What does a bear beat off with?
His bear hands.
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap? "Just beat it, just beat it."
Without Ronaldo, United would have been: - Eliminated from the UCL in groups! - 13th in the league!
Without Messi, PSG would have been: - Still 1st in the league. - Better chance at beating RM in the UCL.
Who's supposed to be the goat?
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
Russia be like we're strong, gets ass beat up by a comedian with a hook nose...
#i stand with Ukraine 🇺🇦
Look, an orphan, let's go beat 'em up.
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.
Why did I beat up the orphan? Because he was a whiny bitch who wouldn't shut the fuck up.