What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
What did the bottle of conditioner do on the toilet?
Shampoo.
JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.
Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!
It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
"Together we can stop this shit."
I went to the bathroom and into a stall to see a hole in the wall. It reminded me of "The Lickable Wallpaper" from "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory." I jokingly started licking. Though, the carrot tasted musky and kinda wrinkly.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind.
So I called, "Toilet Papers Rolling In!"
Your cow is so ugly, it scared the crap out of the toilet!
PERSON: I need to go so bad!
TOILET: Long time no pee!!!
Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.
You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?
You're-a-peein'. European.
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
So you're the one!
So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"
When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!
Diarrhea.
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
