Bad jokes
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."
I'm tired of seeing Mal's joke the second I open up the site. It's not a bad joke. I'm just tired of it.
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy". (My bad if this offended anyone.)
Why are Indian people bad at Monopoly?
Because whenever they hit the corner, they build a shop.
"How would you describe a really bad skeleton?"
"Bad to the bone!" (Or "Rotten to the bone" if you want.)
(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.
Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.
Why are gay people so bad at math? Because they can't multiply.
I told my fam a joke.
They all looked at me weird and one person even said, "I’m sorry!"
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
Your buzz cut is so bad that the bees buzz around it!
Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.
Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.
I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.
Maybe I'm just too old at this point.
Inflation is so bad, McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Summer wasn't too bad either.
Have you ever had a bad sausage? It's the wurst.