Today was a bad day. First, my ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.
Who did Stephen Hawking love more that anyone else?
His Wife, "Eye" who was also bad at running.
Why can't vampires tell jokes right? All their jokes just SUCK.
My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.
Teacher: *calls you up to the board*. You: Ok. *Gets intense boner* *has to fart really bad* You: F***!!!!!!!
Yo' mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.
How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.
Question: How bad is German WiFi?
Answer: It's the wurst.
If you thought other people’s puns are bad, well, you should sea mine.
Craig Duncan is a child soldier with bad breath and has killed 5 people (on Fortnite).
Stairs are bad, because they are always up to something.
Why do people have sex? Because they're dumb.
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"
PERSON: I need to go so bad!
TOILET: Long time no pee!!!
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
can a orphan go to a family Resturant?
Jack and Jill went up the Jill so Jack could lick Jill's fanny, but Jack had a shock with a mouthful of cock because was actually a tranny.
You: What you doing?
I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!
Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).
The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).
The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)
The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)
The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!
The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)
The teen: QUAL (WHICH).
The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).
The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).
*A phone buzzes.*
The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?
Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?
*Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*
The teen: HAIR GEL
