Bad jokes
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and you're wet.
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.
Technically, we have all been deeper in our mom than our dads have.
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
Why was Stephen Hawking a bad influence towards kids? Because he couldn’t stand for anything.
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
Why did the clock eat so fast?
He wanted to go in for SECONDS! Super bad, huh?
All then are bad.
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
Why was the orphan kid bad at school? Because he wanted a phone call home.
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
What is the difference between shroud and a shroud imposter?
Shroud uses reddit, and the imposter uses WJE.
Reddit king and q, I really dgaf what you say, you guys are practically obsessed with me cuz ur leaving hate comments on almost all my jokes, so stop. You're obviously gonna look bad if you just insult meh jokes.
If you guys dont like my jokes, you can just dislike and not leave a comment, ok?
Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?
Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.
What is burned dark and glued to the wall?
A bad electrician.
Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
What do you call a bad piece of wood? Knotty.
One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"