Why do humans hate aliens?
Because Fortnite took them out of the game, and I want aliens back in Fortnite!
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.
If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?
Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher. What?
Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.
Teacher. Why water?
Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
I'm back and wearing dead whites who are killing whites from Eastern Europe on me. Shout out my boy russia and Ukraine, they all are evil just like USA and China and the rest of the west!
Yo mama so fat that when she went out in high heels, she came back in flip flops.
Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna..."
Vortex: "You'll do what?"
Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"
*Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*
Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."
Your hairline is so far back that when I wrote it on a chalkboard, it did not erase.