New Baby Jokes - Page 11 - Worst Jokes Ever

I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.

In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.

Baby: Stroll?

Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!

Baby: *happily screams*

Stroller: *front wheels break off*

Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!

Baby: Oka- CRASH!

How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?

Open a pizza shop 🍕

Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!

Q: How do you deliver an autistic baby?

A: A clothes hanger.

"Abortion jokes are like the babies; they never get old."

When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...

When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!

Why can't orphans have babies?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

Why can't women just shut the fuck up! I hate women. They need to know their place and stay in the kitchen and be baby makers...

What is worse than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?

That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.

Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?

Two wongs don't make a white.

Give me baby girl names for a pregnant YouTuber.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.