Autism jokes

People say I should be proud of my autism, but truth be told, I'm only in it for the help in class.

What do you call an autistic kid that’s good at art?

Artistic.

Autistic jokes have been very popular recently. In other words, I've been very popular recently.

I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

Why are drums and autistic people the same?

They both go "uh uh uh uh uh uh!"

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say "I'm a real boy."

(I'm a trans man myself lol)

Why did the autistic ice cream run away from the party?

She had a meltdown.

I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.

Why can orphans only hit a triple in baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.

A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.

A common question I get as a doctor is, do vaccines cause autism? Well!, I was vaccinated, so.....

Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.

What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?

Explosion.

If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.

What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.

What do autistic retards and birds have in common?

They both flap their arms, lol.

An Oxymoron: A “Normal Autistic”.

What's the difference between Autism and Gender?

Autism is on a spectrum.