Astronaut jokes
Your forehead is so big, the moon landing was there.
What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
Why couldn't the NASA astronaut enter his rocket to leave Earth?
There wasn't enough space to fly it.
Q: What do you call a "Wild Man" or "Wild Woman" on the Moon?
A: A Luna-Tic!
What is a spaceman’s favorite chocolate?
A Mars bar!
NASA is big fat poo 💩 no🍱🍠🥮🧀🍘🧀.
Who said, "That's a small step for man, a giant leap for mankind?"
Not Stephen Hawking.
When a rocketship went into space, seven astronauts went into space. That's why it's called NASA.
I like touching things that have been in space. I was super excited when I got to meet an astronaut.
How do astronauts have a party?
They planet.
When you realize the shuttle blew up.
Then you realize you're on the shuttle.
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
Earlier that day...
Mars: Okay Venus, you need to stop with the puns.
Mission on space.
Mars: Moon? You okay?
Moon:...
Mars: Moon come on! Stop spacing out!
*Venus and Moon giving her the smirk*
What do you call an autistic kid with a rocket ship? A cocker.
Why did the rapper become an astronaut?
To drop some BARS in SPACE!
A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot, & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite.
And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to wait for orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine," The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked, "Now what?"
STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US! I'M TIRED OF SEEING IT! MY FRIENDS ON TIKTOK SEND ME MEMES, ON DISCORD IT'S FUCKING MEMES!
I was in a server, right? And ALL OF THE CHANNELS were just Among Us stuff. I-I showed my champion underwear to my girlfriend and t-the logo I flipped it and I said "hey babe, when the underwear is sus HAHA DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DI DI DING." I fucking looked at a trashcan and said "THAT'S A BIT SUSSY." I looked at my penis. I think of an astronauts helmet and I go "PENIS? MORE LIKE PENSUS" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHGESFG
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
Poor guy really needs some space.
How do you throw a space party?
You planet! 🤣🤣🤣