Around Jokes

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

Orphans around my area only watched Youtube Shorts.

I asked them and then realized they can't click the home button.

Why should you always be friends with an emo kid?

They always hang around.

The cure for depression is around the corner... There it is, the train.

God is you... If you have a dog

A golden retriever puppy is sitting and looking up at the camera. The puppy has a cute expression. The puppy's feet are not in view. Two gray slippers are visible at the bottom of the image. The text says, "I taught Luna to sit. She was SO thrilled with the praise she got, that now, every time I turn around this is what I see. My heart!!!"

Hailey: "Hey Brayden!"

Brayden: "Hey!"

*Music roles around*

*I tell Brayden Hailey likes him*

Brayden: "O_O"

Hailey: *Hides*

So sad </3 xD

I hope you SEA me around later, 'cause I SHORE won't stay here for long.

Why can’t balls move? Because no one is there to voice them around.

Did you know curing boredom is quite simple?

For instance, you could pretend to be an apple by tying a rope around your neck for a stem.

What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?

Stop horsing around!

C'mon guys, I know I'm not the only bored one around here!

Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.

Can you tell me the real answer to this joke?

What do you call a drone that takes the long way around?

Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”

Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.

One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”

You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.

What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?

When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.