Ares jokes

Why are orphans so bad at baseball? Because they can never find home.

Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.

During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!

Hehe

When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."

A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."

One time a man climbed a mountain and saw a guy.

"Who are you?"

"I am mountain man!"

What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?

I C D K

I can make a word with those: "DICK".

For all the planes who are flying alone, you're not dying on your own.

Roses are red,

romance is dead,

every day I suffer from existential dread.

You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat, a running person behind you shouted, "Taxi!"

Why are Americans bad at Clash Royale?

Because they have already lost 2 towers.

A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"

The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."

Are you having rabbit and duck for dinner?

Yeah.

Why?

Because I got too obsessed with hares.

Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.

Are you lightning?

Because you're McQueen.

Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.

You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.

House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a bouquet in my pants for you.

I have a skeleTON of jokes, but none of them are very humorous.

You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.

Person 1: How smart are you?

Person 2: Really smart.

Person 1: Ok. If you have 3 ghosts and take away 2, how many are left?

Person 2: 1 ghost is left.

Person 1: Wrong! 0 ghosts are left because ghosts don't exist!