Ares jokes

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Restroom

    • If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?

    European.

    What are you on your way to the bathroom?

    Russian.

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    • Home

    • Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were going home and walk home and I got home.

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    Reader

    • Who are the fastest readers in the world?

    The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.

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    • Marriage

    • Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

    After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

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    • Cremation

    • Setting: Funeral Home

    Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.

    Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.

    Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?

    Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.

    Customer: Okay?

    Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.

    By: MiniMemorials.com

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    Circle

    • You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?

    Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.

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    • Woman

    • Dark humor and women are very similar...

    Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.

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    • Alphabet

    • "There are 20 letters in the alphabet, correct?"

    "No, it's 26."

    "Oh, I forgot, you are a cutie."

    "You're missing one more."

    "I'll give you the D later."

    "....come to my office at 1pm ASAP."

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    Depression

    • A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"

    Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"

    Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."

    Brother:......

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    • Boy

    • Someone telling a joke:

    Boy: "My parents are dead."

    Girl: "My grandad is too."

    Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"

    Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"

    Parachute

    • There are 4 people on a plane while it's crashing and there are only 3 parachutes. There's Opera, Obama, a little girl, and Trump. Opera grabs a parachute and says, "I'm famous, I get one!" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well, I'm president, of course I get one!" Obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since you're the future of our generation, take the last one." The little girl hugs Obama and says, "Actually, we can both have one. Trump took my backpack!"

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    Hypocrite

    • A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.

    Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.

    Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?

    Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?

    Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.

    Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.

    Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.

    (5 seconds later)

    Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!

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    Shooting

    • GF: Laying down.

    BF: GROANING

    GF: Are you good at aiming and shooting?

    BF: Yeah, why?

    GF: Shoot that did in there.

    BF: Mmmhuugh

    Classmate

    • Bully: "You are so stupid!"

    Classmate: does nothing.

    Bully: "Oi, I'm talking to you!"

    Classmate: "Oh, you're talking to me? I thought you were talking to yourself."

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    • Beer

    • A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."

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