I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants and it was drivin me nuts
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling.
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks "How long am I going to live?" The doctor says "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says"10" The man asks "Ten what?" Then the doctor keeps going"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1"
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
(Jokes for people with cancer) 1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore. 2: I'm dying, finally. 3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then. On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/.
The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.
A guy goes in to get some tests done, the doctor comes out and says "I got good news and bad news." The guy says "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says "The tests cam back positive, you got 2 weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin her."
I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterwords he's sitting the the doctor's office and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what's the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I've been trying to contact you sense yesterday
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live." The man says " 10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?" The doctor calmly replies "Nine"
A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then?’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’
What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.
Nurse: Don't worry i'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yea, i always abort them. Parent:... Parent: Your hired
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the Doctor's office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, "So I can examine you!"
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replyed: Till december
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth? -- The dentist!
Why did the library book go to the doctor? -- It needed to be checked out.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
