If you punch and orphan they can't do anything the can't tell their parents
Why was Stephen Hawking a bad influence towards kids? Because he couldn’t stand for anything
A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"
Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."
Genie: Poof!
Tom: It didn't work.
Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!
Rob: .....BECKY :3
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?
A school shooting.
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.
After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”
The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”
Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”
R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.
I could think of anything because your in the “Country-Side”
Comment anything if u liked the picture of Kenya in her bra! Hint: It was a red bra with pink strips! and it said I love everyone! #she is sex*
Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms. I can do anything u normal people can do. Me: 🎵If you’re happy and u know it clap ur hands! 🎶
When your so rich that you can buy anything you end up getting a cow in your living room yeah anyways my ex is still in my living room
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything they can't hear you
Teacher to Student: You are supposed to be here at 9 am!
Student: Oh, did I miss anything?
Okay, Gwen, I'll be offline for a while... so if anyone by my name types anything, it's a fake. The only way you know it's me is if I say one of my nicknames. Okay, so yeah, take care of my account while I'm gone. BYE!!!!
"Pretend me please stop! I don't recall posting anything except commenting and posting something for Jordan C! Please stop!"
"I want to know who this fake me is! I haven't even posted or commented on anything bad or said a curse. I am very kindly asking you to stop."
