ANS jokes

I hope Stephen Hawking's an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-cart.

What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!

My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.

I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."

what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?

Oppenheimer

What's an upside of being an orphan?

You'll never get grounded again.

I used to think that I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagi-asian.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.

What do you call an under-the-weather seven?

A sick seven.

I called an Asian person and asked, 'Is this Mister Wing?' 'No.'

I called once more and asked, 'Is this Mister Wong?' 'No.'

I guess I 'winged the Wong number.'

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?

One of them is an outside job.

What do you call an autistic black man with a rifle?

Black ops.

Hatsune Miku is not from an anime.

What's an orphan's least favorite store?

Home Depot.