ANS jokes
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked, and the other doesn’t.
How do you get 1000 followers?
Walk into an African village with a water bottle.
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until they see their parents.
If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
What do you call an orphan?
Kyan.
A teacher walked up to me and said, "How did we get butt cracks?"
I was like 4, so I said, "You had an earthquake on your booty."
Bootylicious lol
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.
You see, my son is very into astronomy.
Son: How do stars die?
Dad: Usually overdose, son.
I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?
Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.
What do you call an ear that's dead? Deaf. Hahaha! Oh wait...
You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?
'Cause then they know they won't die alone.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.