ANS jokes
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
An orphan goes to a doctor.
Doctor: "Sorry, I can't help you."
Orphan: "But why?"
Doctor: "I'm a family doctor."
What do you call an emo committing suicide while filming it?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
What's the only good thing about being an orphan?
All snacks are family sized!
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
An apple gets picked.
You know what an emo gets for his birthday? A rope.
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come home.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."
I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.
Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.
Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??