ANS jokes
What do you call an emo committing suicide while filming it?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
You know what an emo gets for his birthday? A rope.
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come home.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."
I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.
Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.
Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.