ANS jokes

Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?

A: When they are falling from their balcony.

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?

The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.

What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?

One of them is actually loved.

What do you call an orphan that has a brother? The second one without one.

"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.

What do you call an emo with knife cuts on their wrist?

A barcode.

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

I made a website for an orphan.

It had no homepage.

What's the difference between an emo kid and an apple?

One hits the ground when they fall from the tree.

What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.

Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.

What do you call a dumpster with an antenna on it? Radio Morocco.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

What is a show an orphan will never be able to relate to?

"Full House".

An emo tried to high-five a tree.

It left him hanging.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One of them gets picked.

What's the difference between an orphan and a baseball player?

A baseball player has a home to run to.

Why does an orphan's year only have 363 days? Because it's missing Mother's and Father's Day.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!