ANS jokes
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? De-calf-inated.
Sonic says, "Punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
What do you call an animal in space? Just death because you need a spacesuit.
I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.
I made an orphan website. It does not have a home page.
What do you call a fat man that has a stomach shaped like an egg?
Humpty Dumpty!
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
Do you know why you never mess with an orphan?
Because they’ve got guardians!
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.
What do you call an Arab and a black man flying a plane?
Pilots. You racist f*ck.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
Why are there only 362 days in an orphan's calendar? They don’t have Father's Day, Mother's Day, or Family Day.
Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.
Why can’t an orphan go on a field trip?
'Cause they need a parent's signature.
What did Elon Musk do after sacking half of Twitter employees?
Raped an eight-year-old girl.
What's an orphan's favorite Spiderman movie?
"Spiderman: No Way Home."
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.