ANS jokes
An Irishman walked past a bar.
What's the difference between me and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
What kind of fish knows math?
An anglerfish LOL
Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...
What do you call an Asian kid that is bad at math?
An orphan.
Why is it hard having a relationship with an astronaut?
Because they are always so distant. :-]
How do you make an apple turnover?
You push it down a hill.
Why do orphans have an iPhone X?
Because there is no home button.
Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?
Because they can actually buy a house.
When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?
I think that you're an accident!
A guy walks into an AA meeting and asks for a road map.
Q: What do you call an Asian paralympian?
A: Lim Ping.
What’s an Emo’s favorite exercise?
The dead hang.
One day, Jim saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. He asked if he was an orphan.
The kid said, “Yeah, what gave me away?”
Jim said, “I don’t see any parents.”
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
What do you call an LGBTQ+ plane?
A biplane.
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
What is the difference between an ISIS training camp and a school?
Don't ask me, I just fly the drone.
"Octo" means 8 and an octopus has 8 legs... so where did the "pus" come from?