ANS jokes
When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”
Dear Gwen and Prince,
Gwen and Prince, sorry for being mean and cussing and other messed up nonsense. To be honest, I really just wanted to be your friends, all both of you! BTW Prince, Gwen is not dating Aiden...I don't even know who Aiden is! Sorry a million times, Zreina.
Me: I just shot an orphan.
Mate: You can’t do that!
Me: What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They're both turned on by kids.
What's an orphan's favorite football game?? The homecoming.
If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.
What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)
A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot, & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite.
And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to wait for orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine," The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked, "Now what?"
What is the difference between an American and a computer?
An American doesn’t have trouble shooting.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
I thought happiness started with an “H.” Why does my happiness start with “U”?
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
Why can't an orphan go on a field trip?
'Cause they need parent registration!
What's the worst thing to star in?
An amber alert.
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.