ANS jokes
If you looked in the mirror, you would see an ugly person, which is you.
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.
By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.
I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.
During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.
Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.
Why is an orphan crying about its family?
Because it can't "let it go."
So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.
Why are you an orphan? Loser...
"Sonic Says", "If you're ever bored and have nothing to do, then just punch an orphan in the face. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?"
Why can't an orphan roleplay? Because they don't have parents.
What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D
So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"
I just killed a family of five.
Now I’m an orphan.
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.
An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"
对不起,我是卧底。
(Duìbùqǐ, wǒ shì wòdǐ.)
Sorry, I'm an undercover.