And jokes

I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.

What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Masochists and sadists are made for each other.

That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.

Men and depression have something in common; they’re always talking.

When the school shooter starts doing Fortnite dances and the autistic kid joins in.

To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!

Hey, I just wanna be in bed. I just wanna stay ahead. I just feel like I am dead, And I like that color red. Hey, I am not the big fat loser, And you're just a big accuser, You user and excuser.

Say this to you sister, toxic BF, anyone :)

Why did the wall fall over?

A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.

A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.

Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.

Man, we all have the one cool sibling, then the strong sibling, and then you, the one who plays on their iPad or computer all day. Then, when you are on vacation, you are doing nothing at all.

I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hairdryer.

My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.

Congratulations! 10 years+ record of hide and seek with your parents, and they're still hiding!

They hide so well, they probably forgot about you. Mwah. <3

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

What do orphans and people eating oranges have in common? They both are eating balls.

What does a refrigerator and a gay male have in common?

Only one farts when you pull the meat out. 🌝🌝🌝

If you punch an orphan, they can't do anything; they can't tell their parents.

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

What's the difference between my dad and Nemo?

I don't know. I still haven't found them.