And jokes

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half a cat.

What’s the difference between a woman that doesn’t belong in the kitchen and Bigfoot?

Bigfoot is real.

A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.

They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

What is the difference between cremation and smoking?

While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.

A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."

There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.

What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?

They're both crazy and now dead.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?

A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.

Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.

The other day I was in the park and got bored, so I found an orphan and punched him in the face, laughed at him, and said, "Whatcha gonna do, tell your parents?"

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

What’s the difference between Apple and orphans?

Apples actually get picked.

If Tim goes to heaven and Tom goes to hell, where does Tam go?

Up your ass.

So, I was laying in bed and it's winter, so my room is always cold because the heater doesn't work.

And I was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then I laughed because who would wanna be with me. Hahaha

Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.

A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.

What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?

Your dick shots longer.

Poipole walks into a bar and says “poipoipoipoi.”

The bartender says, “Sorry, but in order to get takeout, you have to know how to speak a foreign language.” Poipole says “Pika!”

So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

UwU

Why did the vegetable go to jail?

He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.