And jokes

The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"

You know what to do with this?

Get it to the same amount of dislikes and likes!

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Friend: You look like a baboon.

Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trashcans.

What's the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits until a boy is 13 before it comes onto his face.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."

What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?

They both are hanging.

How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?

Your dog's gone.

Your finances are done.

And your floaties.

What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?

What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?

Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.

In Soviet Russia,

You love Chinese and hate Chinese.

Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?

"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"

Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?

There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!

Someone tracked down a cripple and said, "You can hide, but you can't run!"

What is the oldest animal in the world?

A zebra—it is black and white.

Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡

If it is called a forehead, what happened to the five-head, six-head, and seven-head?

What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?

A corpse, of course!

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."