And jokes

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"

Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.

What is a difference between a tree and...

What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?

The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”

And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”

Zozo went to the store and walked out with nothing, why?

Zozo the hobo is a hobo, remember? He doesn’t have any money.

Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.

Yo' mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.

Yo' mama is so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for her gumball.

Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.

I hate double standards.

Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

What is similar between a ton of kids and some boxes?

Both of those are commonly found in basements.

What do Karens do when they have free time?

They do KARENoke and sing a Karen song.

I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.

—Shane Richie, British actor

"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."

Ok.

"Thank you, what is your wish?"

I wish for my 5 cents back.

Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.

Mum: And that is?

*Kid walks out.*

*Kid comes back in with milk.*

Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!

What is blue and wiggling on my floor?

A baby in a bag.

Think like a proton and stay positive!

What card is the slowest and slimiest?

Ace-nail.

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”

Repost

Jasper doesn't like little girls and Bin Laden.