And jokes

Vet

A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.

Robot

I was submitting this joke, and I realized Stephen Hawking couldn't.

It had the reCAPTCHA "I'm not a robot."

Parody

So I made a parody for "Me, Myself, and I." It goes like this: "Me, Myself, and I, I'm gonna drink bleach until I die!"

Mama

Yo' mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.

Memes

Mama

Yo' mama is so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for her gumball.

Double Standard

I hate double standards.

Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

Xbox

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.

School

A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,

"It's an elevator, not a lift!"

and

"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"

He keeps going on until the Englishman says,

"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."

Memory

I was born yesterday, and I walked down memory lane. I fell over the edge!

Face

"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"

Baby

What's the difference between a baby and putty?

You can only eat one.

Love

Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.

Eye

What does the right eye say to the left eye?

Between you and me, something smells!

Orphan

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

Hobo

Zozo went to the store and walked out with nothing, why?

Zozo the hobo is a hobo, remember? He doesn’t have any money.